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| Hi Everyone out there!
I've had the week from hell and I'm still trying to recover from it. My Little boy had to be hospitalized on Tuesday after a very scary episode with his feeding tube. Go to his sight for the whole story :http://www.caringbridge.org/md/jamespatrick/index.htm
He is doing much better now, but he's a bit short tempered from having to be on steroids yet again.
I'm so annoyed that no one from my close knit church 'community' has even called to see how we are doing. My best friend is also in the same community and she has called once or twice, but she and I have been friends for 13 years and she is James' Godmother. But *no one* else has bothered, not even to answer my e-mail I sent out telling everyone that James was ill. I'm really hurt by this. I'm the kind of person that if someone I know is going through a crisis, I will call and see if I can help. But that is me. Apparently the people in my church community don't give a crap. So I'm totally depressed about that.
James was supposed to have his 5th birthday party Sunday, but we had to postpone until next weekend. And since next to no one RSVPed, which is so freakin rude, I'm now worried that people will show up at my house, grrrr! It is so weird, I send home invites to all the kids in James' special needs preschool class and I have heard from 1! I see the other Moms in the parking lot and stuff and they don't even acknowledge the invite, sheesh! What is up with people!?!?!? So if any of them show up they are outta luck!
My husband is on leave for a few days, he took leave to make sure he is home for James' bday, and he is grumpy as I don't know what! There is a big chance that his leave will be cancelled now that Ronald Regan has died. My hubby flies for the USAF, and he flies all the VIPs here in DC. Like the First Lady, VP, Cabinet Members and all those people. So they are going to have to fly alot of these bigwigs to the funeral. So I'm just hoping that he will be home for James' now rescheduled party. He missed it last year because he was in Afganistan. But as grumpy as he is now, I'm ready to have him gone for a few days! I think he is just letting down from all the stress of James being so ill, we were both terrified that we were losing him at one point. But he keeps it all inside and will be an a**hole instead. The world would be a much better place if everyone learned not to pi$$ me off! LOL!
Until next time......... | | |
|  Hi There to my Public,
This is my second blog and I'm sure it will be spectacular  . I'm kinda bored tonight, but I'm excited that I won a cool auction on eBay for a big poofy skirted ball gown  . I just love vintage looking dresses. I love the fashions from the 50's with the big circle skirts with the crinolines. Anytime I have to attend a formal event, I always try to find the poofiest dress I can, lol! The picture above is my husband and I about to go to the Air Force Ball last fall. I lucked out with my dress, I found it at a shop while we were visiting Savannah, GA. The shop was moving their location so it was cleaning out all it had in storage, I got this dress for $25.00! What a steal! Anyone have any interesting sources for nice vintage clothes, send me a link! I wish I could wear big poofy skirts every day, I'd look just like Lucy Ricardo or Donna Reed, with a bigger waist of course, lol! It seems to me that the poofier the skirt, the more glam you feel, anyone else?!
Until next time...........
Maureen
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| Okay, I finally decided to actually use this journal and write my first blog. I've been feeling annoyed all week with no particular reason for feeling that way so forgive me for not being very sunny.
Monday of this week my son, James, was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. He is almost 5 years old now and I have always felt that he had CP, but the actually diagnoses depresses the shit outta me. I'm scared for him. Will he live independently? What will happen when he starts regular school? Will he make friends? He has been in a special needs preschool now for 2 years, he will continue with preschool next year. He is age eligible for Kindergarten, but he is not ready yet. He loves school now, but I'm already getting nervous about him being mixed in with 'regular' kids when he goes to Kindergarten in fall of 2005.
James is the light of my life. This child has my whole heart. He is the sweetest child and I'm so blessed to have him here with me. He is my only child and I'm terrified to try to have another. He was born prematurely because I had severe pre eclampsia while I was pregnant. Because of his prematurity he has struggled so hard every single day of his life, he is an inspiration to me. He never complains. Not when I have to clean around his feeding tube, not when I have to hand him over to doctors who are strangers to him and put him through yet another test, procedure or evaluation. He amazes me every day. He doesn't even know that his life has not been 'normal' he doesn't really realize that most kids don't have a feeding tube or a huge scar running from his ribs to his belly button. He doesn't know that most kids don't have to go see doctors a few times a week. He doesn't know that most people don't have to learn how to eat and breathe at the same time.
Like I said he is almost 5 and I can't get past the trauma of his birth. I can't get past any of it. I'm so tired of people telling me that all I need is to have another baby. I'm terrified of putting another child through the NICU and everything that follows. I'm so tired of hearing "Oh, I know someone that had a kid with problems and they had 10 more kids and everything was fine" I could care less. Come and watch my kid get poked and prodded a few times and tell me how eager you would be to do it again. I know there is a chance that I could have a healthy full term baby, but it's that risk of having another preemie that scares me silly. I just don't want to do that again. I wouldn't trade James for the entire universe, but the guilt I have for what he has gone through will not leave me alone.
I love being James' Mommy and I would never want to be any other kid's Mom. With all he has been through he is the happiest kid on the planet. I couldn't ask for a sweeter kid, I love him to pieces.
Moe | | |
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